The Singles Bar: 14/05/12

Today sees the debut of the UK singles streaming chart, which seeks to give a more accurate view of what the good citizens of this fair isle are actually listening to on a regular basis. So, what’s number 1? Have the British public gone leftfield with their streaming choices, leading to a chart-topper that’s far removed from what’s being purchased? Um… it’s Carly Rae Jepsen.

It’s an interesting progression in the way the charts are created though, and it could well be that these streaming figures are amalgamated into the singles chart for real one day soon. What would be even better though, is if extra chart points were given for high scores on The Singles Bar. That, my friends, is the real dream.

The Saturdays – 30 Days

They’ve always seemed a bit Second Division and try-too-hard, but recently, The Saturdays have been racking up a number of impressive singles. 30 Days seems like a fairly decent track given an entirely unnecessary Calvin-Harris-in-Ibiza makeover, thus removing any semblance of subtlety it may have had. With Girls Aloud on hiatus, the crown of biggest girlband should really be The Saturdays’ for the taking, but they just can’t seem to make that final leap, and mis-steps like 30 Days aren’t particularly going to help. It also makes me feel hopelessly old every time I recall one of them used to be in S Club Juniors. 5/10

Katy B & Mark Ronson – Anywhere In The World

Anywhere In The World is the promotional anthem for Coca-Cola (other overpriced, teeth-rotting soft drinks manufactured by grotesquely rich multi-national corporations are available) during this year’s Summer Olympics. Of course, it was released in one particular country before any other territory, and that country was… um… Belgium, obviously (no, me neither). It doesn’t fill you with confidence when one of your favourite new artists signs up for an enormous advertising campaign and it shows nothing of what made On A Mission such an essential album. It doesn’t particularly sound much like a Ronson production either, unless he’s going to start putting fizzing and can-opening noises in all his records from now on. While selling-out may be an antiquated notion, this really is a horrible cash-in driven solely by shifting products rather than anything remotely artistic. It’s basically the 21st Century I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing (ask your Dad), except worse. 0/10

Bruce Springsteen – Death To My Hometown

The latest single from Broooooce starts off with bass drum and handclaps, and for three or four awful seconds, it sounds like it’s going to turn into We Will Rock You. Instead, it’s another Springsteen tale of a hard-working man fighting against… oh, I don’t know, whatever. He may be a sacred cow, but to me all Springsteen songs sound the same and while I’m sure he’s a great showman, I can’t help but want to tell him to get over himself and listen to some disco music. The folky sounds (including – bleurgh – tin-whistle) sound a little jarring against the digital precision of the percussion, but if you’re a down-home good ol’ boy, I’m sure you’ll love this. 3/10

Madonna – Girl Gone Wild

Cor, she’s a rum ‘un, that Madonna, ain’t she? Look everyone, she’s (sort of) named her latest song after a controversial pornography franchise – how daring! The spoken-word bit at the beginning is a little similar to Like A Prayer, but then it goes very much camp and hi-NRG. What Madonna’s realised is that music about how great music is can be fantastic fun, and this sounds like it would be brilliant to dance to (“Here it comes, when I hear that 808 drum”). It’s incredibly slick and polished, yet it all serves the track exquisitely. The lyrics about being a ‘bad girl’ are a little tired but, if anything, the vocals are a little restrained, and Girl Gone Wild is a great end-of-the-night club track that shows Madge has still got it. Strange, I’ve never been a big Madonna fan but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all the singles taken from MDNA. 8/10

Tom Jones – Hit Or Miss

What’s that? Tom Jones is a judge on a primetime BBC talent show and now he’s decided to release a new single – what a coincidence! There’s no denying Mr. Cuprinol has a phenomenal voice but the quality of his output has been severely lacking now for longer than anyone can remember. Interestingly, given he’s back in the public eye, Hit Or Miss isn’t some desperate grab at mainstream pop relevance, but a mid-tempo, country-tinged track which remains restrained (well, as much as a Tom Jones song can). Given the last thing I heard from Tom Jones was a wretched cover of U2’s Beautiful Day with Jessie J, will.i.am and that fella from The Script who even his own mother can’t remember the name of, Hit Or Miss is a rather nice surprise. By no means essential, but a pretty decent effort nonetheless. 6/10

Gaz Coombes – Hot Fruit

If I were Gaz Coombes (which – spoiler alert – I’m not), I’d be feeling fairly aggrieved at the lack of success and recognition I’d had over the last fifteen years ago. Supergrass were always a consistent, inventive group, and subsequent projects haven’t captured the public imagination, so now he’s walking his own path. Hot Fruit races along on Bloc Party-like taut drumming and rumbling bass before exploding into a chorus that, while exhilarating, is never quite as raucous as it threatens to be. It has some interesting chord changes and haunting backing vocals, before providing a spooky bridge after the second chorus. After that, it’s full steam ahead and Coombes has created something fit to stand alongside the finest work of his alma mater. Two decades or so of making music and Gaz Coombes can still create something as good as Hot Fruit. I reiterate: the man should be much more revered than he is. 8/10

Scissor Sisters – Only The Horses

Seemingly unfinished song titles like this irritate me. Only The Horses what? Only The Horses trot? Only The Horses gallop? Only The Horses that don’t unseat their rider are classed as having finished in the 2.40 at Haydock? It’s right up there with Love’s Seven And Seven Is (the answer being ‘fourteen’, presumably). Anyway, this track becomes recommended mainly because the cover art is simply a zebra standing in a purple and orange sky. Rather than sounding like a quintessential Scissor Sisters track, it’s more like an AOR track that’s been given the Scissor Sisters treatment, and as such, it doesn’t quite fit together properly. Scissor Sisters are at their best when they’re so camp they’re beyond parody, and this plays it a little too straight (pardon the pun). Oh, and the answer to the question? Apparently, “only the horses can find us tonight”, and, “only the horses can bring us back home”. Some party that must have been. 4/10

The Enemy – Saturday

LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! LADS! Oh, do kindly piss off, won’t you? 0/10

Kimbra – Settle Down

You know her as the woman on that Gotye track, but New Zealander Kimbra has actually been releasing singles since 2005. Settle Down has tribal rhythms, makes great use of backing vocals and sounds like the kind of thing Sia does when she’s not commandeering the charts with Flo Rida and David Guetta. It’s a bit Flying Pickets’ Only You, a bit Lykke Li, a bit Neneh Cherry, and exactly the sort of music that deserves a wider audience. A small criticism, perhaps, is that the chorus’s hook isn’t exactly the strongest, but there’s enough evidence here to suggest Kimbra could be successful for a good while yet. Who’d have thought? There IS a silver lining to Somebody That I Used To Know being the most ubiquitous song since The Rembrandts'. 8/10

Niki & The Dove – Tomorrow

The continued non-success of Niki & The Dove is just one of myriad reasons for making me want to see out my days in an air-raid shelter with only a lifetime’s supply of chocolate and an 80s synth-pop compilation for company. Tomorrow doesn’t sound as promising as previous N&TD singles initially, but then bursts into life at the chorus stage, with a euphoric release of vocals, drums and electronic magnificence. In a similar way to the Kimbra track, there’s something a little early 90s about the whole caboodle, and you get the impression Ms. Niki is no stranger to the works of Neneh Cherry either. It’s a shame the verses aren’t entirely up to scratch, but the chorus is such an incredible blast of amazingness, it’s impossible to see past this for that most coveted of awards… 8/10 – SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Europe

Allo Darlin' - Europe
released 7 May 2012 on Fortuna POP!


For any artist, the debut album is absolutely pivotal. It’s the culmination of all life experiences collected up to that point and a real statement of intent for a potential career. It’s a manifesto; a way of presenting to the world who you are and how you see things. It’s also a tremendously exciting time; countless are the artists who never made it to that first record stage, so it’s a kind of validation of your work and says what you do has some kind of intellectual merit.



Because of this, debut albums often contain the kind of hunger and naivety it’s near-impossible to replicate on subsequent releases. Allo Darlin’’s self-titled first record was such an album – at times, it seemed as though the band were subsisting on fizzy pop alone and then locked in a sweet shop when it came time to record. Allo Darlin’ had its contemplative moments too, but for the most part it was an album full of bounce and sheer joy, created by a group of people very much in love with life.


Alas, we all get older and, as anyone over the age of about 21 can attest, getting older is rubbish with very few redeeming features. Responsibilities accumulate, money becomes more and more of an issue, and moments of worry-free abandon are ever more scarce. This isn’t to say Allo Darlin’ have gone all Lou Reed on us, far from it in fact, but there’s certainly a more measured approach to Europe. It’s a record made by a band with one album obviously under their belt who are carrying the associated freedoms (studio time) and restrictions (pressure) that come with it.


The most disappointing thing about Europe is the failed attempt at a sonic leap forward. Whereas the debut record was often unadorned and gave prominence to the humble ukulele, the songs on show here have a much thicker sound. However, that’s all it is – thicker. The sound is largely the same but it appears the gaps have just been filled in, whether it be with reverb or other components. There are lovely flourishes interspersed throughout, but the climactic releases are that bit less effective and the entire record has something of a samey feel.


From its title downwards, Europe is an album preoccupied with travel and the concept of home. This is unsurprising as lead singer, Elizabeth Morris, is an Australian living in London. She appears to be reflecting on what she’s left behind, both people and places, and how she’s growing ever more accustomed to life in the UK. On Tallulah (a doppelgänger of the first record’s Heartbeat Chilli), an Australian road trip is recounted, listing place names such as St. Kilda and Bondi Beach, and she’s wondering about, “when I find you under Capricornia skies”, on lead single, Capricornia. On the other side of that coin, The Letter talks about finding, “solace in the shattered dreams of England”, and the zippy Northern Lights makes the couplet, “Jump feet-first through the snow / We’re never going home”, sound like the most appealing thing possible.


Morris’ vocals and lyrics are the strongest part of Europe. She projects a character that is adventurous and prone to whimsy, but displays enough vulnerability and humanity to ensure we don’t ever stray into twee or Manic Pixie Dream Girl territory. In truth, her presence and dexterity transform an otherwise average indiepop record into something with depth which is tinged with melancholy and becomes an affecting look at life in your 20s.


It’s a shame the production doesn’t quite match up to the quality of the vocals and melodies. Strangely enough, the meandering nature of the instrumentation actually matches the rootless sentiments and feelings of wanderlust articulated in the lyrics, though that’s far from ideal. We can all relate to the ideas expressed in Europe: big cities are simultaneously thrilling and terrifying, we’re scared of losing touch with people we love while being excited to meet new friends, and we know our memories are among the most important things we have. The giddy enthusiasm of Allo Darlin’ has been replaced by something more substantial and grown-up, yet it’s still an optimistic LP at heart. It’s just a shame that the music can’t match this progression. Europe often finds itself lacking in ideas and sticking to de rigueur jangle and well-trodden indiepop tropes.

The Singles Bar: 07/05/12

We’ve got early 20s pop hopefuls, doom-mongering rock, MCs, chart-friendly dance, a track taken from an opera, and a Eurovision entry among the hopefuls on the agenda this time around. Each and every week, The Singles Bar provides a glance into the veritable melting pot that is popular music. Enjoy.

Mz Bratt feat. Khalaeliah – Falling Down

While men only have to worry about one title, women have Mrs, Miss and Ms to contend with. I didn’t realise there was a fourth, so thanks to Mz Bratt for educating me on that point. Although apparently a grime MC, there’s a very strong pop sound to Mz Bratt in both production and flow. Falling Down is the kind of track Ms Dynamite was doing about a decade ago, and doing better as well. The UK has arguably never really had a breakthrough female MC and while Falling Down is certainly a radio-friendly track, there’s not enough here to suggest that Mz Bratt will be able to buck that trend. 5/10

Serj Tankian – Figure It Out

Curiously, for an artist so politicised, System Of A Down frontman Serj Tankian doesn’t appear to be in the public eye an awful lot these days. Or perhaps I just think that because I’m no longer a 15 year old SOAD fan. Figure It Out features intense riffing, breakneck speed and the idiosyncratic wailing of everybody’s favourite Lebanese-born, Armenian-American singer. Although it’s not too dissimilar to the work of his former band, there’s a sense of fun and adventure slightly missing here that SOAD often brought to the party. It’s certainly rousing, thrilling stuff, but if you’ve ever heard anything Serj Tankian’s put his name to before, it’s not going to particularly surprise you. 6/10

The Subways – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

A couple of decent singles off their first album looked to have got their career off to a flyer, but it’s never really happened for Welwyn Garden City’s finest. Like many bands, they seemed to be trying to be counter-cultural without ever standing for anything in particular. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is perfectly passable pop-punk (one for alliteration fans, there) but not much more than that. The lyrics seem trite and obvious, as if they’ve been dashed off in half an hour with a rhyming dictionary open on their laps. Also, whereas previous Subways tracks were enhanced by the backing vocals of bassist Charlotte Cooper, here she just seems shrill and yelpy. Safe to say, not their finest work. 5/10

Richard Hawley – Leave Your Body Behind You
On his entirely fantastic new album, Standing At The Sky’s Edge, Richard Hawley has ditched the tender laments in favour of expansive, layered, guitar-led behemoths. It was a risky move, but it looks to have paid dividends, and Leave Your Body Behind You is representative of this new sonic experimentation. It’s a huge-sounding track, with tons of guitar behind it, quite reminiscent of the more spacey, psychedelic regions of Spiritualized’s back catalogue. It may be an overused term, but Richard Hawley really is a national treasure and this track – plus its parent album – could finally see him break through into the mainstream. Here’s hoping. 9/10 – SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Far East Movement feat. Justin Bieber – Live My Life

Let’s be honest, we’ve all secretly been hoping those people who made Like A G6 would team up with the Bieber – it’s the meeting of minds the world’s been waiting for. It appears, as you may expect, Far East Movement are from the same reductive, dunce-dance scene that brought us the shining examples of humanity that are LMFAO (in case you’re wondering, Black Eyed Peas are the spiritual forefathers of this kind of music). As a result, Live My Life is basically just noise to gyrate and drink to in badly-lit underground clubs. It also represents another step in the project to move Bieber away from teen idol and into R&B superstar. Depressingly, it sounds like a billion other dance-pop records you’ve heard and, although I seem to say that about at least one track every week in this column, it doesn’t stop it being true. 1/10

Engelbert Humperdinck – Love Will Set You Free

Rejoice – it’s (nearly) Eurovision time! Humperdinck is the UK’s representative in the annual let’s-see-which-countries-hate-us-this-time extravaganza and he’s up against some stiff competition (Austria’s nominees are a hip-hop boyband called Trackshittaz, I kid you not). Humperdinck’s a legendary crooner, and Love Will Set You Free doesn’t stray too far from his usual template, though it’s pitched a bit more towards epic than normal. It’s adorned with Spanish guitar (going for the Continental vote there, Engelbert, like it) and he’s certainly got a decent set of pipes on him. Despite the odd rousing note though, it doesn’t particularly go anywhere. Will this win it for the UK? Of course not, but it’ll be interesting to see how it goes down in Baku. 5/10

Damon Albarn – The Marvellous Dream

During Britpop, you’d never have imagined the chirpy Cockney of Parklife would turn out to be the musical polymath of his generation. Cartoon bands, Malian music and Chinese opera have followed, and now Albarn’s released Dr. Dee, a record (and opera) about the titular Elizabethan scientist. We can safely say it’s got nothing to do with your vorsprung durch technik. The Marvellous Dream begins prettily enough, but it’s quite monotonous and never really gets out of first gear. The simple acoustic backing isn’t particularly thrilling and it’s unlikely to lead a stampede to the record shop any day of the week. 3/10

The Entrance Band – New Orleans

From what I can glean about The Entrance Band, they’re signed to Sunn O)))’s record label which, in all honesty, is enough to terrify me. New Orleans is the opening track from their Untitled EP and clocks in at over 11 minutes. You might think that guarantees a slow build-up, but there’s frenetic percussion and squealing riffs before we’ve even hit the one minute mark. This kind of sludgy, prog-influenced stoner-rock rarely appeals to me and, to be honest, if you’re creating something I don’t like, extending it over such a long time is only going to compound my misery. Epic and atmospheric, sure, but the sheer doomy weight of this track is hard to endure. Sorry, The Entrance Band, it’s not you, it’s me, but I’m relatively certain that this is an endurance test I won’t be repeating any time soon. 2/10

Rita Ora feat. Tinie Tempah – RIP

After enjoying a #1 hit as the vocalist on DJ Fresh’s Hot Right Now, Kosovan-born Rita Ora releases her debut solo single. The fact Tinie Tempah provides some guest verses gives you some indication of how seriously her label (Roc Nation) are taking her launch. RIP has an odd, lurching tempo, which means you’d struggle to dance to it, which is odd as it’s obviously styled as a dance-pop track. All the sounds and techniques of modern-day pop mega-hits have been thrown at it in an attempt to create something memorable, but ultimately the song itself just isn’t strong enough. Aside from the opening line to the chorus, there’s nothing particularly good about this track but hey, it’s being hammered on the radio and will probably race to the top of the charts. There’s no justice in this world at times. 2/10

Katzenjammer – Rock-Paper-Scissors

Norwegian quartet, Katzenjammer, set the Singles Bar alight a couple of months ago with I Will Dance When I Walk Away, and today sees the UK release of their album, A Kiss Before You Go: a bizarre yet exciting mix of folk, skiffle, sea shanties and ragtime. Rock-Paper-Scissors has a Mediaeval feel to it – it wouldn’t sound out of place on the soundtrack of a Robin Hood film. It’s also a little like a twee Gogol Bordello, which isn’t a sound you hear every day. There’s accordion, fiddle… in fact, you could put a jug band in the background and it’d probably fit right in. Katzenjammer are an entirely incongruous and anachronistic band on this evidence, but this kind of going against the grain should be heartily encouraged. The lyrics may be meaningless twaddle but still, Rock-Paper-Scissors makes me want to raise a flagon of mead in salute to Katzenjammer. 8/10

The Singles Bar: 30/04/12

As you may or may not be aware, it’s recently been our birthday here at No Ripcord. We’re now 13 years old. This means we’re more liable to bouts of sarcasm, mood-swings and general misanthropy. What does this mean for The Singles Bar? Not much – after all, it’s always been that way in this corner of the website.

Here are this week’s ten top tunes.

S.C.U.M. – Amber Hands

It’s been mentioned on The Singles Bar before, but there are few ways of turning off potential listeners better than naming your band something as knowing as S.C.U.M.. Amber Hands is dramatic, atmospheric rock with little space to breathe, and is headed by a vocalist who doesn’t possess the necessary power or personality to match his surroundings. Because there are too many things going on at once, there’s a muddied, live feel to Amber Hands which doesn’t do it too many favours. Not a bad track, but not one to get over-excited about. You can’t help but think this has all been done before and it has, a decade ago, by The Cooper Temple Clause. 5/10

Feeder – Children Of The Sun

In my mid-teens, I ended up seeing Feeder with a girl who ignored me the whole way through and, even worse, I was violently sick in the car park just before the gig started (which, come to think of it, may go some way towards explaining the getting ignored). Suffice to say, my opinion of Feeder has been tainted since and, to be honest, I hadn’t even realised they were still a going concern. On the evidence of Children Of The Sun, I haven’t missed much though. It’s a mid-tempo, AOR plodder, which leaves your brain the moment it’s finished. Feeder used to be a sharp, exciting rock trio infused with the energy of punk. Now they just sound like a group of men in their 30s who don’t know what else to do. 2/10

Flux Pavillion feat. Example  – Daydreamer

Nothing quite like nearly 900,000 YouTube views in less than two months for a song you’ve never even heard of to make you feel out of touch with the modern world. Considering dubstep took so long to break into the mainstream, it’s astonishing just how quickly it’s become tired and formulaic. Of course, there’s still inventive stuff happening on the sidelines but as far as the big-selling tracks go, it’s all starting to melt into one huge sub-woofer boom. Daydreamer has short, sharp strings, which do give it a little bit of an edge, but this could just as easily be an Example solo track, or a Chase & Status tune, or anyone like that. One thing to say though, it steers well clear of the brostep of Skrillex, and for that we should be thankful. 3/10

Mindless Behavior – Girls Talkin’ ‘Bout

I’ve been blissfully oblivious to the oeuvre of Mindless Behavior (bah, American spelling) until now, but it appears they’re a manufactured pop/R&B group. Their vocals are so heavily auto-tuned and treated that you wonder why the Svengali behind them bothered with real people for the band at all. Real people can talk back, have their own opinions and could one day leave, so why not just get a load of cyborgs? Or, if you want them to have sex appeal, just have pretty dancers and put some pre-recorded vocals behind them. It’s a great idea and… oh, hang on… I’ve basically just invented Milli Vanilli, haven’t I? Anyway, Girls Talkin’ ‘Bout is shapeless R&B by numbers that sounds so digitised and compressed it will make you wince. It has the hallmarks of a Chris Brown song and mentions “swag” on more than one occasion; ergo, it’s beyond awful. 0/10

Frank Turner – I Still Believe

Brilliant! A new Frank Turner single! I’m so glad Frank Turner exists. Y’see, before Frank Turner, I didn’t have my own views about things. I found nuances and subtleties too much for my basic brain to handle, so I’m exceptionally lucky there’s some busker-chic folk no-mark who’s as reductive as Frank. Thanks to Frank, I now know corporations are bad (without exception) but it’s ok, because according to this piss-poor attempt at a call-to-arms, “rock n’ roll will save us all”. He doesn’t quite specify how (except to claim folk songs are “miracles for minimum wage”) or offer any solutions, but that doesn’t really matter, does it? He talks about Elvis and gramophones, so he’s obviously bursting with authenticity and who needs answers when you’ve got a simplistic, misguided belief? Some people pine for the glory days of Billy Bragg or wish there was a socially-conscious protest singer for the 21st Century who can actually string a sentence together, but not me. I’ve got Frank, so I can listen to his records, take absolutely no action, not really understand what’s wrong with the world or why, but still feel like I’m really making a difference, you know? I might put some of his half-baked, empty sloganeering lyrics as my Facebook status too, because that way, people will know what a really deep and conscientious guy I am. Because when it all comes down to it, acoustic guitars and a DIY ethos are good, and large organisations and working for a living are bad, and if you think otherwise, you’re a sell-out, aren’t you? Have I got that right? Anyway, I can’t wait for the next general election so I can purposely not vote and really get my voice heard. I’m so very pleased with myself. 0/10

Lianne La Havas – Lost And Found

La Havas released Lost And Found towards the end of last year and it was flagged up by a certain NR writer *cough* as a rare treat a few months back. Subsequent increased attention means it’s probably not a bad idea to give it another shot, and it’s lost none of its gorgeous potency. The name of Adele may jump to mind but there’s another dimension to Lianne La Havas on this track. Her voice has a real smoky beauty to it, and cracks with emotion. The arrangement, too, is near-perfect, framing the wondrous vocal rather than crowding or stifling it. To say it’s up there with the best work of Norah Jones may feel like damning with faint praise, but Lost And Found is a captivating and affecting song that deserves to be heard by a much wider audience. 9/10 – SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Keane – Silenced By The Night

What do you do when the world stops listening? For a while, Keane looked like they could take over the world, but each album has delivered ever diminishing returns. It’s hard not to feel sorry for them, because they haven’t really changed at all, it’s just that the world moved on. And as for Silenced By The Night, yeah, sure, it’s completely fine. It sounds like a Keane track, as you’d expect: lots of piano, slick, nice chord changes, a pleasant chugging tempo and nothing to wake the neighbours with. It doesn’t have the catchiness of Everybody’s Changing or the heartstring-tugging qualities of Bedshaped though, and as such it’s just another song in the never-ending parade of popular music. So, to answer the question, when the world stops listening, you just ignore them and carry on regardless. 5/10

In Golden Tears – Underneath The Balance

German guitar-manglers In Golden Tears are about to hit the UK festivals to promote themselves and, on the evidence of Underneath The Balance, it looks as if they’ll be a popular draw. There’s nothing particularly new about this track, but there’s a real care and craftsmanship to it, and they create something vaster than their simple guitar/bass/drums/vocals set-up would suggest. Certain music works better in certain situations, and while Underneath The Balance is fine to listen to alone, bouncing with a festival crowd as the dusk draws in would transform it into something air-punchingly brilliant. Guitar groups are going through a bit of a fallow period, creatively speaking, and In Golden Tears certainly seem comfortably above average. 7/10

Me And My Drummer – You’re A Runner

It must be Deutscheday in The Singles Bar because next up, we’ve another German group – Me And My Drummer. You’re a Runner is some exciting-sounding electropop, but Me And My Drummer are adroit enough to give the track some space to breathe and, as a result, manage to use dynamics really well to build a mood gradually. There’s a touch of Feist to the vocals, and when the song really lets loose with a minute to go, it feels like a natural progression rather than a calculated attempt at something epic. Me And My Drummer have been compared to Florence + The Machine by critics, but that’s far too reductive. Unlike Florence (and her machine, of course), they understand light and shade, and know when to belt it out and when to exercise restraint. Wonderful stuff that you ought to lean your ears towards. 8/10

Tulisa – Young

I know pop marketing departments are pretty savvy, but I’m constantly amazed at the aligning of tabloid scandal and single release. Following her recent sex tape fall-out, N-Dubz singer and X Factor judge Tulisa puts out her debut track, which is all about how it’s ok to do silly things when you’re young, because… well, that bit’s not really covered, except say you can use being young as an excuse for everything. There’s more of an Ibiza dance influence than we’re used to from Tulisa’s thankfully-on-hiatus group but that’s not exactly surprising, given she’s the fun and glamorous side of N-Dubz. I’m still amazed she’s been so successful though – her voice is nothing distinctive and I’d guess there are plenty of Tulisas out there working dead-end jobs and dreaming of stardom. Young is harmless filler and is already looking like it will top the charts this Sunday, so it looks like the Tulisa bandwagon marches on. 3/10

The Singles Bar: 23/04/12

Happy St. George’s Day! Here at The Singles Bar we’ve spent the past few hours morris dancing, reading Chaucer and drinking warm beer. However, even if you’re not English (or Georgian, or Catalonian, or from the host of other regions he’s associated with) you can still enjoy this week’s singles reviews – hooray!

Beth Jeans Houghton & The Hooves Of Destiny – Atlas

I will summon all my critical faculties to exclusively reveal this woman really does my swede in. And don’t even get me started on her “Hooves Of Destiny”. She seems to fall in with a bunch of artists who try too hard, and who have their ‘kookiness’ or ‘individuality’ seems carefully choreographed; her album’s called Yours Truly, Cellophane Nose, for crying out loud. There are minor theatrics and histrionics, changes of pace, a spooky spoken-word section, unusual noises and soforth, but it’s all done to mask the fact there isn’t really a song here. Some may call Beth Jean Houghton (her real name, incidentally) a trailblazer or an exciting and inventive talent. I’d guess she was indulged far too often as a child and she should put the silly outfits and crayons away. You’re right, I’m not a fan. 2/10

The Cribs – Come On, Be A No-One

The Cribs arrived a few years too late, really, but their singles are usually worth a look. Men’s Needs and Our Bovine Public, for example, are mighty fine pop tunes, but they work because the band rattle through them like their lives depend on it. Come On, Be A No-One operates at more of a contemplative pace and, as a result, comes across as a little turgid. Also, Ryan Jarman has never been the greatest vocalist, so the fact he really gives it some wellie in the chorus isn’t going to be to the delight of many. It’s reasonably snappy though, and doesn’t outstay its welcome, but it doesn’t really suggest great things for The Cribs’ forthcoming album, unfortunately. 5/10

Sleigh Bells – Crush

It’s all gone a bit quiet on the Sleigh Bells front, hasn’t it? I find their combination of noise and sugar-sweet pop a little hit and miss, but Crush is certainly in the former category. Simple beats, handclaps, dense riffing and shoegazy, almost disinterested vocals combine to give a feeling unlike many others you’ll get from music. This bolting together of disparate elements really shouldn’t work, but there’s something thrilling about Crush, and it’s almost like a heavy rock cheerleader chant. It also hints at things which are forbidden, unobtainable, and just a little bit sexy. Mind you, the shouting does sound a bit like that pillock from The Automatic at times, so you get points docked for that in my book. 7/10

Foster The People – Don’t Stop (Color On The Walls)

NEWSFLASH: Foster The People have a song that isn’t Pumped Up Kicks! I know! I was surprised as well. It looks like they’ll join the likes of Plain White T’s and The Caesars on this showing though, as Don’t Stop (Color On The Walls) is a forgettable, mid-tempo, go-nowhere kind of song. If The OC was still on television, there may be a little bit of mileage in this track, but sadly for FTP, that ship has sailed. It’s looking more and more like Pumped Up Kicks was a happy accident, as this really is college-rock at its most insipid. Well done, Foster The People, you’re like OK Go without the good videos. You know the only thing people like about OK Go? That’s right; the videos. 2/10

Little Boots – Every Night I Say A Little Prayer

As she was built up and then knocked down far too quickly by the music press, I’ve been hoping 2012 sees a successful return for Little Boots. Every Night I Say A Little Prayer starts off as fairly unremarkable electro-pop, but the arrival of the chorus gives it the boost it sorely needs. The vocals sound crystal clear, but there’s a niggling feeling she’s struggling to get the balance between dance and pop just right. The Chicago house loops and handclaps sound fantastic and the more the chorus gets repeated, the better the track is. It’s just a bit of a shame it takes a little too long to really get motoring. It’s pretty low-key for a BBC Sound Of poll winner, but that’s no bad thing whatsoever. It looks like Little Boots may be back on track. 7/10

Maverick Sabre – I Used To Have It All

I was convinced this song came out last year but no, it just seems I can’t distinguish between Maverick Sabre tracks. The analogue, crackly feel to the backing strongly recalls Ed Harcourt’s Until Tomorrow Then, but that’s about as good as it gets for I Used To Have It All. Stylistically, he’s borrowing Adele’s vintage 60s ambience, but there’s also a touch of hip-hop in both the vocals and the beats. However, that voice, it drives me up the spout. There are some vocalists that can best be described as ‘distinctive’, and I’m afraid Maverick Sabre joins Rufus Wainwright in the list of singers that I just cannot get on with whatsoever. There’s some nice horn work around two-thirds of the way through, and the arrangement is actually really well put together. It’s just a shame his honking makes it so unpleasurable to listen to. 4/10

The Robbie Boyd Band – I Won’t Let You Go

According to none other than Simon Cowell, The Robbie Boyd Band are reminiscent of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. The most surprising thing about that comparison is that Simon Cowell actually knows who CSN&Y are, but there’s certainly a touch of Laurel Canyon about I Won’t Let You Go. It’s more folk than alt. country though, and it’s a spritely number with some fantastic harmony work. It’s so expertly packaged that it actually comes across as kind of cheesy and a whole album of The Robbie Boyd Band would likely be something of an endurance test. However, three and a half minutes of them is really just the ticket, and the strength of the melody and vocals elevates this above your average Americana fodder. 7/10

Neil Young – Oh Susannah

And speaking of CSN&Y, here’s ol’ Shakey himself, popping up with a cover of the 19th century minstrel song. It’s part of Young’s forthcoming Americana LP, where he covers a whole bunch of folk classics and, er… The Sex Pistols’ God Save The Queen. Anyway, while doing your best Woody Guthrie impression may have been just fine half a century ago, the world has moved on, and this sounds jaded now. It’s easy for a (relatively) young music critic to sneer at this kind of stuff, and I’m not dismissing it just because it’s old or anything like that, it’s just that the quality of this version is such that if it were by anyone other than Neil Young, it wouldn’t be getting the time of day. In fact, if you heard a busker doing this, you wouldn’t even be tempted to reach into your pocket. In short, it’s no Robbie Boyd Band. 2/10

Ren Harvieu – Open Up Your Arms

After being hotly tipped at the start of the year, Ren Harvieu is slowly building up a following, thus ensuring her debut album should make a few ripples upon its release next month. Open Up Your Arms is power ballad-tastic, and displays little of what made earlier single Through The Night so compelling. The longer it goes on, you realise we’re pitched firmly in AOR territory, where the Radio 2 playlist beckons and people who find the music of Adele a bit too abrasive might start to become interested. Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this sort of music, or indeed this song, it’s just exceptionally difficult to get excited about when it’s essentially well-styled background noise. It’s a shame, given the potential to go the Dusty Springfield/Mama Cass route that appeared available, but Ren Harvieu looks destined for success regardless. 3/10

Willy Moon – Yeah, Yeah

In case you’re wondering, it now appears you can make your mark in the music industry even if your name sounds like a depraved and possibly illegal sexual practice. For those unfamiliar with the music of Mr. Moon, it’s a bizarre clash of rockabilly, hip-hop and pop, which achieves an effect somewhat similar to that of Sleigh Bells. It’s a strange cut-and-paste approach and he goes from sounding like an Elvis Presley rip-off to Will Smith in Getting Jiggy Wit’ It in a matter of seconds. Most fantastically though, is the rhythm that propels the track, largely because it sounds like the beat from One Thing by Amerie. Yeah, Yeah is the kind of bizarre, head-spinning track that shows real invention and wit and will keep you coming back for more. I am publicly declaring myself a fan of Willy Moon, even if it does sound like something that will get me arrested. 8/10 – SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded

Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded
released 2 April 2012 on Universal/Island


It’s taken a little less than two years for Nicki Minaj to go from being a hotly-tipped MC championed by Lil Wayne to becoming a genre-straddling global megastar. However, Minaj’s debut studio album and breakthrough record, Pink Friday, asked more questions than it provided answers. Does she want to be the fierce, dextrous rapper who’s fit to go toe-to-toe with Eminem or the lightweight, homogeneous pop star who duets with Natasha Bedingfield? Does she represent a shift in power in the male-dominated world of hip-hop or has she played the female rap objectified archetype in an attempt to get to the top? And just why does she sometimes rap in an English accent?


You’d hope that Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded finally dropping would provide a little clarity around these issues. However, if anything, the waters are now muddied even further. 2012 has been a bizarre year for Nicki Minaj thus far, with an album campaign that’s been a misinformed mess. Originally due for release on Valentine’s Day, the record didn’t hit the shops until April. We’ve had a record-breaking video for a song that hasn’t even had an official release (Stupid Hoe) while another single (Starships) has been bouncing around the upper reaches of the charts for weeks while still not having a promotional video at the time of writing. In an era when release campaigns are choreographed to precision and you’ve got an infinitely marketable star like Minaj, such events seem like madness. That’s not to mention giving your album of entirely new material a name that makes it sound like some Katy Perry-style bonus-tracks-hastily-added cash-in to squeeze money out of fans who deserve better.


If Pink Friday’s main fault was that it tried to tick too many boxes, then Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded repeats that mistake and then some. In fact, if we take away the two bonkers tracks that bookend the record (Roman Holiday and Stupid Hoe) then Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded neatly breaks down into three disparate parts, which seem to be from different records entirely.


The first part of the record is the traditional, hip-hop side of things. Here, beats are sparse, and frills and instrumentation are minimal. It’s all geared up to make Minaj’s rhymes the focal point, and it gives the record something of a mixtape feel. It’s an interesting decision to front-load the record with perhaps its least commercial tracks, but it does provide the bulk of the quality. Come On A Cone features oppressive synths and is underpinned by a Flight Of The Bumblebee-like riff. I Am Your Leader and Beez In The Trap are similarly thrilling and make good use of cameos. You really get a sense of why Minaj is so popular; there’s something distinctive and utterly compelling about her style and flow. This is probably best displayed in the otherworldly and regal Champion. Her lyrics do fall into the pitfalls of hip-hop braggadocio a little too often though – many of her lines are about previous successes and haters, while one track (Roman Reloaded) includes sirens as well as the sounds of guns cocking and firing.


Once Minaj has finished with proving her gangsta credentials, she’s out to show that she likes partying ‘til dawn in a club as much as anyone else in the charts. The transition between the two styles begins with two of the record’s worst tracks: future single Right By My Side and the nauseating Sex In The Lounge. It’s difficult to believe any self-respecting woman would be willing to put her name to something as relentlessly misogynistic as Sex In The Lounge, with its crude 2010s slow jam style and highly objectionable lyrics.


However, if you can get past those, you’re rewarded with one of the singles of the year so far: Starships. It’s essentially a mish-mash of Super Bass and We Found Love, but none the worse for it, as it perfectly captures the hedonistic feeling the best dance music can provide. Lyrically we’re on pretty tame ground (“I’m on the floor, floor / I love to dance”), but as far as tracks go to forget your responsibilities and lose your inhibitions to, it’s right on the money and has the addictive quality and irresistible hooks that 99% of these type of tracks lack. Unfortunately, Minaj follows up Starships with a run of four songs which all sound like inferior re-treads. We’ve got references to Ibiza, over-produced radio-friendly backing tracks and the general feeling of a David Guetta B-sides collection.


By this point, Minaj’s desperation to be liked is becoming wearing, and this is before we get onto part three of the album: the R&B ballads. Though there’s nothing inherently wrong with Minaj’s singing voice, it’s not particularly distinctive and while she continues to insist upon making tracks like this, she’ll never be anything more than a second-rate Rihanna or Beyoncé. It’s faceless, dispiriting stuff, and we get to witness the supposed outspoken queen of forward-thinking rap grumble about fame, compare herself to Marilyn Monroe and sing about how she really just wants to be a wife, all in the space of ten minutes.


Before the release of Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded, much talk centred around Minaj’s male, British alter-ego, Roman Zolanski, and how his character would be explored throughout the LP. However, he’s only really brought up at all on those aforementioned tracks that open and close the record. The title may lead you to believe it’s some kind of concept album, but if that’s its intention, that concept is quickly dropped before being picked up again right at the end as if you wouldn’t notice that there’s actually no common thread holding any of this together (this is a bit of a jump in logic, but it’s the same thing that happens in Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band).


The two Roman Zolanski-featuring tracks, Roman Holiday and Stupid Hoe, are the most inventive songs on the record, and the two that pander the least to current musical trends and expectations. The melodrama may be a little irritating, but there’s no doubting that Minaj is a fabulous pop star who you simply can’t ignore. Due to the rest of the album, however, Roman Holiday promises more than Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded can deliver, and Stupid Hoe sticks out like a sore thumb after a quagmire of clichés and dullness.


As Stupid Hoe throbs to its conclusion, Minaj leaves us with five final words: “I am the female Weezy”. She’s got a decent claim to such a title, but it’s as if that’s not enough. If she’s the female Weezy, she’s just as much the female Drake, the female Akon, the female David Guetta, the female Bruno Mars and the female Usher. Hell, with her love of over-the-top make-up and multiple personas, you could make an argument for her being the female David Bowie or the female Adam Ant too. Would you want to listen to a record that sounded like all those people? Probably not, as it sounds like a recipe for disaster which tries to please everybody and ends up being enjoyed by nobody. Unsurprisingly, that’s exactly what Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded is.

The Singles Bar: 09/04/12

There’s a running theme in The Singles Bar that when I pick a track to be Single Of The Week, that song invariably goes on to be one of the worst-selling singles by that artist. Even big-hitters like Beyoncé and Madonna aren’t immune to this curse. However, the baton was passed on to Andrew Baer last week for his first appearance in this column and what happens to his Single Of The Week by Carly Rae Jepsen? Of course, it goes straight in at the top of the charts.

So, let’s see who I can curse this time round in this Easter edition of The Singles Bar. I apologise in advance to the winner.

Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans

Oh no, I’m really confused. I haven’t had a memo for a few weeks – are we allowed to like Lana Del Rey now? As you know, us writers in the music biz get together in a dark room every few weeks and decide who we’re going to hype, and who we’re going to trash. I must have lost my invite to the last meeting – now I’ll have to judge her on the quality of her music alone; OH NOES! The submissive starlet routine is a little wearing over an entire album, but LDR still puts out great singles, and Blue Jeans ticks those boxes. It’s got a little more weight and pep to her previous releases and there’s a great vintage, scuzzy feel to the instrumentation. Whoever this guy is that Del Rey is so devoted to, he must be an incredible catch. Blue Jeans is vocally great, a bit gothic and pretty catchy too. Of course, if I’ve been misinformed on what my opinion should be, I reserve the right to take all the above back. 7/10

Usher – Climax

Now, here’s an interesting one. Usher’s decided to come out of his comfort zone and work with Diplo for this track, so do we give props to Usher for that decision, or question what the hell Diplo’s doing teaming up with the crown prince of 21st Century bedroom-eyed soul? Instantly, this is about 1,000% better than anything Usher’s done in seven years or so – there’s a real emotional distance to the music which works brilliantly against the vocal. It builds and envelops wonderfully, but never quite spills over into a euphoric, er, climax, like you’d expect it to. The production shows that slow jams can still be inventive and affecting; Usher’s “I’m-a-bit-sad-I-am” vocals are a little on the strained side, but it’s a fantastic song nonetheless. 8/10 – SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Santigold – Disparate Youth

Santigold’s one of those artists you want to be great, but never seems to quite deliver. Initial signs aren’t promising here, as the opening arpeggios recall Kate Nash’s ghastly single, Mouthwash. However, once the vocals come in, there are buzzsaw guitars, atmospheric strings and off-beat, reggae piano loops, dispelling any such fears. Santigold is never anything less than intriguing, but Disparate Youth shows that she could still do with adding a few hooks to her songs before stepping into the recording studio. There are expert touches all over this piece, but there’s no chorus and, as such, it seems to meander along without reaching a satisfactory conclusion. Whereas the Usher track above builds and wrong-foots you with its lack of chorus, here, it just seems like a jigsaw puzzle that’s missing a vital piece. 6/10

Bombay Bicycle Club – How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep

I’m not sure whether it’s simply down to a lack of decent competition, but Bombay Bicycle Club seem to have carved a niche for themselves as one of the UK’s most consistent and inventive guitar groups. How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep starts with around a minute of delicate guitar and swirling vocals, before drums which are almost hip-hop in style enter the fray to get things really going. As the track develops, it becomes clear that it falls between two stalls – not heartfelt and melancholy enough to be truly affecting, and not energetic enough to set the pulse racing. Therefore, it isn’t a classic, but it’s still a decent effort. If you’re waiting for new BBC material, this will probably tide you over nicely. The kind of thing that will keep existing fans happy, but is unlikely to win them too many new ones. 6/10

Monica & Brandy – It All Belongs To Me

When this duo released their mega-hit, The Boy Is Mine, in 1998, they were billed as Brandy & Monica. It’d be fascinating to know what legal wrangling and internal battles have been fought to change this billing around (there’s a good chance that you and I have different views on the meaning of the word, ‘fascinating’). Anyway, onto the track in question, and it’s all a bit of a mess. The heaviness of the beats doesn’t match the thinness of the production in any way. There’s a good deal of sass on display, as a man who’s wronged our heroines (What? Both of them?) gets told to return the goods that aren’t his. It’s in a similar vein to Beyoncé’s Irreplaceable or Destiny’s Child’s Independent Women (Part One), except nowhere near as good as either. Also, hearing an impassioned warble enunciate, “Log off your Facebook – it all belongs to me”, is genuinely funny, though not for the right reasons. Perhaps it was all an evil ploy by Brandy, so The Boy Is Mine gets more attributed to her, and the blame for this track lies more with Monica. Cunning. 2/10

Joker – Lost

Whenever I’ve heard this track on the radio, the DJ has always felt it necessary to mention that Joker is from Bristol, as if it were some dim and distant place where talent could never come from, rather than a city of nearly half a million people only 120 miles from London. There’s some pretty decent dance-style production work on Lost, and there’s a bit of an early 21st Century R&B/two-step feel to it as well, but both the MC in the verses and the children’s vocals in the chorus are irritating. It feels as if Joker is trying a little too hard to make something relevant to today that could push him into the mainstream, when he may be better off sticking to beats. Lost shows promise, but there’s a fair way for Joker to go just yet. 4/10

Cornershop – Milkin’ It

Whether they’ve been successful or not, in fashion or persona non grata, Cornershop have just carried on regardless, and there’s something kind of admirable about that. Milkin’ It has a real whiff of cartoonish, old-skool hip-hop about it (the lyrics even contain the line, “Let’s take it back to ‘88”). In fact, it seems to be a tribute to that golden age, but it’s not really fit to hold a candle to it. There’s just a list of references, a wandering bassline, the odd effect and some laid-back beats. It feels like a first attempt at a collage piece, and contains none of the invention and quality songwriting that Cornershop are renowned for. In fact, having just listened to this, I’m still surprised to learn it is really Cornershop and I’d probably believe anyone who told me it was someone else. 3/10

Drake feat. Lil Wayne – The Motto

I bought the latest Drake album, Take Care. I went into a shop, handed over money and received a CD in exchange. Now I learn that The Motto is a “digital bonus track”, meaning I’d have received this single if I’d have just sat on my sofa and purchased the album as a series of zeroes and ones. How is that fair? I’d ask Drake myself, but he’s probably too busy having emotionally unfulfilling sex with a procession of jaw-droppingly beautiful women, the poor guy. The Motto is a stripped-back, sparse track, with hand-clap percussion and warm, bouncy bass underpinning the MCing. While the lack of other instrumentation can draw attention to Drake and Lil Wayne’s grating drawls, it does add a real atmospheric edge to the composition. The Motto is a lean song, and all the better for it. It’d be nice if it had been on the album I legitimately purchased though. THANKS, GUYS! 7/10

Quickbeam – Seven Hundred Birds

The debut single from Glaswegian trio, Quickbeam, is a careful, considered and gorgeous piece of work. It’s difficult to place what producer Chris Gordon has added to the sound, but somehow there’s a real organic, live ambience to the song, as if all the instruments were recorded simultaneously. The vocals are delicate and come replete with an appealing Scottish burr. Quickbeam have been compared to Low and Sigur Rós and, on the evidence of Seven Hundred Birds, it’s a valid comparison. A slow, ponderous track, laden with beautiful strings; the only complaint is that it doesn’t come with the climactic, noisy release that some of the best post-rock epics do. At under four minutes, it’s actually a little too short, and it cuts away when it just feels like it’s getting going. As a mood-setting, melancholic work though, it’s absolutely wondrous. 8/10

Rizzle Kicks – Traveller’s Chant

When Rizzle Kicks released their last single, Mama Do The Hump, I posited they may have run out of goodwill and would soon be on the way out. I was then roundly laughed at by a Singles Bar reader (and rightly so) when the track went on to be a huge success. Despite that, I’m going to make the same assertion with Traveller’s Chant. Whereas Rizzle Kicks’ previous singles have had an admirable amount of excitement and zip about them, Traveller’s Chant is a contemplative song, unsurprisingly about the concept of travelling. In truth, it’s laid-back to the point of being sleep-inducing and although it’s got a head-nodding groove to it, it’s ultimately a pretty forgettable song. It’s three and a half minutes which has got ‘album track’ written all over it and as the fourth single from their debut LP, it could be a pretty futile attempt to wring out those final few sales. What do I know though? Given my track record, it’ll probably sell a bajillion copies and make Rizzle Kicks bigger than Adele. 4/10