The Best of the Decade: 10-1

I've decided to run down my Top 50 albums of the decade that's just passed. I love a list as much as anyone (in fact, probably more) and it was something to focus on in the dearth of new music post-Christmas. Some of the paragraphs are in the style of press releases, some attempt to put into words what makes an album so special, others have a personal experience that make them important to me and any could have spelling and grammar mistakes. It really was a case of go with what you feel on this one...

1: The Dears - No Cities Left (Bella Union/2003)

Maybe not an obvious choice but one I’m more than willing to stand by. Occasionally part of a song is fantastic and will stop you in your tracks, on rarer occasions it’s an entire song which is truly exceptional, but then there’s that time where an album catches you in the right place at the right time and truly floors you. The Dears never really captured the imagination of the UK; frequently being judged as inferior to the similar-sounding Blur or The Smiths. However, No Cities Left is simply magical from start to finish. This is a sound of a band putting their blood, sweat and tears into a record and is surely their creative peak. Head Dear Murray Lightburn croons his way through twelve tracks that range from the beautiful and timid to the all-out crunching riffs and wall of guitars of Lost in the Plot. It’s not difficult to see where the Smiths comparisons come from, as Lightburn does his best Morrissey impression on The Second Part (“It rained all day/I don’t… have a raincoat… of my own”) but this record is far more than the sum of its influences. 22: The Death of All the Romance charts the heartbreaking end of a relationship and pours salt into its still-raw wounds, Expect the Worst/’Cos She’s a Tourist takes in pizzicato string quartets before melding them to dream-like woozy pop and Pinned Together, Falling Apart begins in what is apparently an explosion in a drum factory. Startingly ambitious, never dull and far, far better than ever given credit for, No Cities Left is a treat for the ears and should be investigated further by everyone, me included. It always offers something new on each listen, it really does run that deep. Forget everything else you may know of The Dears or may have heard since, No Cities Left stands alone as true genius, a masterpiece, a perfect example of why music is so loved and, undoubtedly, the finest record of this past decade.

2: Radiohead: In Rainbows (self-released/2007)

What with all the hoopla surrounding the “honesty box” method of payment and means of distribution for In Rainbows, it’s surprising the music got a look in at all. Radiohead being Radiohead, however, had an ace up their sleeve and had put together their best album of a long and distinguished career. The Bends is too straightforward, OK Computer often leaves me cold, but In Rainbows is the definitive Radiohead record, combining the rock of their 1990s work with the experimentalism of Kid A. From the scattergun drums of opening track, 15 Step, it’s clear this is no ordinary record. Thom Yorke’s lyrics may be a collection of half-phrases, idioms and proverbs but here it suits the nature of the music to perfection. Bodysnatchers is the finest straight-up rock song Radiohead ever wrote, and Nude is curiously uplifting and deeply affecting with its backwards sections. Whilst All I Need displays vulnerability and a glimpse into Radiohead’s world, Jigsaw Falling Into Place is the star of the show, morphing from claustrophobic riffs into a loose but thrilling track. It’s interesting to note that for all their concepts, patterns and tricks, the career-defining Radiohead album is the one where they simply wrote a collection of indisputably amazing songs.

3: The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love (Rough Trade/2009)

It shouldn’t work: in the age of single-track downloads and short attention spans, The Decemberists release a concept album with a complex narrative arc, repeated themes and no gaps between the tracks. It shouldn’t work, but my word, it most certainly does. From an unremarkable beginning, The Hazards of Love builds and builds into something truly extraordinary and unrelenting. When you think the music can’t build any more, in comes a riff, a vocal, a drum fill or all three to confound your expectations. In typical Decemberists’ fashion, the lyrical themes fixate on death but there’s loss, regret and haunting thrown into the mix here too. The Rake’s Song tells of a man’s decision to murder his offspring following the death of their mother in childbirth, propelled along by the most thumping percussion you’ll hear in music today. Backing vocals transform The Wanting Comes in Waves/Repaid into something ethereal and majestic while (spoiler alert!) the villain getting his comeuppance in the end is as satisfying and thrilling as any book or film. That’s what The Decemberists do best - take the literary and set it to thrilling music and here, they’ve never done it better.

4: Radiohead - Kid A (Parlophone/2000)

It’s all been done, right? The Beatles wrote the rule book, smashed the system and then a handful of innovators have truly done something completely new in the field of popular music. That may have looked the case but Kid A was something even the most fervent Radiohead fan couldn’t have anticipated. There’s a school of thought that says this album is more influential than listenable, more to be appreciated than enjoyed, and it’s difficult to totally refute that - you wouldn’t put it on to impress a date, for example. But Kid A truly transcends the boundaries of popular music; it’s the sound of being alive in the 21st Century. Clocks tick, hearts beat, there’s the sturm und drang of industry, clicks, glitches, warmth, and there’s also melodies too. Some of the sounds made on this record seem perfect to soundtrack film of foetuses on the womb, so the appeal of this album could somehow be evolutionary, but repeated listens show Radiohead know what they’re doing and they remembered to include songs to go with it. Idioteque is beguiling, stark and primal, How to Disappear Completely swirls and sucks you in, while Everything in Its Right Place seems to invent patterns of chords and notes you’ve never heard before. Of all the records on this list, Kid A will be the one that sounds most relevant, fresh, vital and ground-breaking in fifty years’ time, just like it does today and just like it always has done.

5: Elbow - The Seldom Seen Kid (Fiction/2008)

Nice guys don’t always have to finish last, and here’s the proof. Years of slog and toil and three albums of being nearly-men all seemed to be worth it when Elbow really hit the big time with the release of The Seldom Seen Kid. Critical acclaim, sales and the Mercury prize followed and general consensus said it couldn’t have happened to nicer people. Of course, that’s not particularly pertinent to the record's overall quality, but it certainly makes for a better story. What separates Elbow from the crowd is Guy Garvey, with his sweet, sentimental voice and extraordinary way with a phrase - he has a knack for saying what you’ve always felt, but never even knew you wanted to express. The Seldom Seen Kid displays naked emotion from the opening of Starlings (cautious build-up followed by the best horn stabs this side of disco) and oddly, makes you root for the band you’re listening to. Windswept and carrying the battle scars of life, The Seldom Seen Kid is a lament to a lost friend, a beautiful union and inspirationally wonderful.

6: Arcade Fire - Funeral (Rough Trade/2005)

Well, they repeatedly play this one note for a few bars, then it breaks into the whole band singing la-la-la. Have you ever tried to explain to someone why the beginning of Wake Up is so uplifting? The moment the voices break through is one of those moments that gets you every time, yet the ingredients that make it up are so simple. This is why Funeral is so peculiar; there’s nothing in its make-up that suggests it should be one of the albums of the decade, but Arcade Fire are clearly playing because they love it. And also, why is an album fixated on death and loss so life-affirming? Maybe it’s because Arcade Fire sounded like the gang you wanted to be in, they’re the Not-So-Secret Seven and it’s them against the world with their harmonies and baroque pop from another time. You get to know them and the bittersweet ending of Funeral, In The Backseat, peels back any barrier that may still remain and becomes one of the most gut-wrenching songs you’ll ever hear. A stellar album, victory was theirs, and we were there to enjoy it with them.

7: Tindersticks - Waiting for the Moon (Beggar’s Banquet/2003)

Tindersticks’ first three albums (two called Tindersticks and one called Curtains) were so critically acclaimed, it seemed everyone was suffering from Tindersticks fatigue afterwards and they’ve been largely ignored since. It’s a crying shame; Waiting for the Moon was the album that introduced me to Tindersticks and has become one of the great lost records of the 21st Century. Admittedly, they don’t break the mould - the women are still always glamorous and unobtainable, the cigarette always lit and the glass (of whiskey, naturally) always half-empty, but it doesn’t mean Waiting for the Moon is anything but a work of staggering beauty. The album creeps in almost unnoticed with Until the Morning Comes, where Stuart Staples sounds half on the verge of tears and half of the verge of murder. 4:48 Psychosis is deeply evocative and unsettling and Sometimes It Hurts is a lush ballad fit to stand along career-highpoint, Buried Bones. Where Waiting for the Moon really comes into its own, though, is the seven-minute epic, My Oblivion. It’s classic Tindersticks; it’s languid, it’s drenched in strings, it’s mournful, it’s yearning and it’s utterly, utterly breathtaking.

8: Kings of Convenience - Riot on an Empty Street (Source/2004)

If producing an album of largely acoustic, quasi-pastoral pop, you need to have a trick or two up your sleeve just to keep it interesting. In which case, Kings of Convenience proved that they’re veritable magicians with the release of Riot on an Empty Street. Bubbling with intrigue and mystery, the understated, almost disinterested vocals of Erland Øye and Eirik Glambek Bøe (and, on occasion, Feist) are perfectly married to the delicate sunshine melodies and intricate finger-picking. Understated, sparse and gorgeous, Riot on an Empty Street is 45 minutes where you can get lost and just absorb what’s coming out of the speakers. Reminiscent of Simon and Garfunkel in their pomp, whether performing lingering ballads (The Build Up) or uptempo, perky pop (I’d Rather Dance with You), Kings of Convenience are always compelling.

9: Midlake - The Trials of Van Occupanther (Bella Union/2006)

Fleet Foxes took a host of plaudits for their eponymous début and while it’s a fine album, it’s hard to not feel like Midlake had been cheated somewhat. Two years before Fleet Foxes was The Trials of Van Occupanther; an album which also expertly blended the folk-rock of Crosby, Stills and Nash with the 21st Century, but did so with stronger melodies, finer song structures and more evocative lyrics. Case in point, the corking opener, Roscoe, which chugs along on a steady piano and guitar base before throwing in drum fills and angular licks that give it a whole new dimension. Witness also Head Home, the best 1970s country-rock classic there never was and Young Bride, with its sweet melody that comes from nowhere and its repeated vocal coda accompanied only by strings. At its heart, though, was a distillation of everything great and good from its influences, leading to an album with an irresistible pull. Someone once said that they best bands live in their own universe, and on the evidence of The Trials of Van Occupanther, Midlake’s 19th Century America is a fantastic one to inhabit.

10: Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip - Angles (Sunday Best Recordings/2008)

It doesn’t quite seem right that the most inventive, witty and interesting hip-hop album of the decade came from darkest Essex, but maybe Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip (they tend to collaborate rather than face-off, despite what their name suggests) were simply more hungry than everyone else. Pip certainly seems so as he furiously spits rhymes on The Beat That My Heart Skipped; a track whose tempo seems to suit his flow to a tee as he veers from quintessential Englishman to hip-hop connoisseur, sometimes in the same couplet (“Oh, Good God, damn, and other such phrases/Haven’t heard a beat like this for ages”). Angles isn’t afraid to take on the topics not often covered in rap either - there’s religion (Letter from God to Man), suicide (Magician’s Assistant) and, of course, the life and death of Tommy Cooper (Tommy C). These can pale into insignificance though, when compared to what is possibly the single of the decade: Thou Shalt Always Kill. Detractors will point to the fact it’s contradictory (it provides a list of stars whose names are not to be taken in vain in one verse, and instructs you not to put stars on pedestals the next) but it brought something back into pop that’s been sorely missed - humour. Endlessly quotable lines (today’s favourite is “thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Brad at the club last night by saying, “is it?””), heavy beats and a helping of bleeps that sound as if they come from a Nintendo Game Boy circa 1992, it’s the peak of a fantastic album and above all, FUN!

Top Ten UK #1 Singles of the Last Ten Years

This is the second of the two list articles to celebrate No Ripcord's tenth birthday...

When No Ripcord first launched in April 1999, sitting at the top of the pile in the singles chart was the début release by Westlife, Swear It Again. Well, here we are ten years later, No Ripcord is thriving and Westlife... well, unfortunately they’re still going too, and the talentless Irish chancers have in fact had 14 UK #1 singles to date. We all know that the singles charts aren’t what they used to be (especially since the demise of Top of the Pops) and that the best songs never make it to the summit. However, over the past decade, there have been enough diamonds in the rough to ensure that the charts are worth checking out of a Sunday evening. So, here are the best ten:

10. Michael Andrews feat. Gary Jules: Mad World (2003)

Haunting, ethereal, sparse; a song like this would barely get in the charts these days, let alone make it to number one. Taken from the soundtrack to the film Donnie Darko, this song was a complete word-of-mouth hit. It took the much-coveted Christmas Number One title in 2003 following various campaigns in the media. It also represented a sea change for the UK charts, as this was the last Christmas Number One not affiliated with a charity or television talent show. This was the last occurrence of when being at the head of the charts over the festive season still held some prestige. Since this hit, both Andrews and Jules have faded back into obscurity, with neither making it into the UK charts since.

9. Eminem feat. Dido: Stan (2000)

If we can conveniently forget the fact that this song lead directly to Dido’s brand of aural wallpaper being an enormous success, we can begin to appreciate this track. An obsessive fan who kills himself and his girlfriend in a car crash is not a typical subject for a hit single but then again, Eminem was never your typical pop star. His latter efforts may have simply been either cartoon hip-hop-lite or angry, bitter diatribes, but Stan is his masterpiece. A genuinely harrowing tale that was never intrusive, insensitive or sought to gain humour inappropriately from its dark subject matter, it’s a story more than a song and remains far and away his best work. It was deposed from top slot on the charts by Bob the Builder with Can We Fix It? It didn’t seem right, really.

8. Beyoncé: Crazy In Love (2003)

This isn’t really a song, it’s more of a riff – that riff. The pounding drums are the perfect foil for the brass hook that makes Crazy In Love so memorable. The riff in question isn’t even original; it’s taken from Are You My Woman (Tell Me So) by The Chi-Lites. Whoever spotted that and came up with the idea is a genius. It’s easy to forget that before this song, Beyoncé wasn’t quite the all-conquering star she is today and her first single (Work It Out) had under-performed. This transformed her and it’s easy to see why. We don’t care about the lyrics, the melody, the sentiment, hell, even Jay-Z’s rap is fairly lacklustre in comparison. You just need the “oh-oh oh-oh” part before each verse and the riff... that riff.

7. Robyn with Kleerup: With Every Heartbeat (2007)

Robyn was actually around making records in the 1990s, and she was rubbish. That may seem a tad harsh, but her songs were anodyne, ‘nothing’ songs that left your head as soon as they’d entered your ear. For those of us with long memories (and a slightly unhealthy interest in pop music), it was a surprise to have her back a couple of years ago. The real surprise though, was that she was capable of a shimmering pop classic such as this. It has electronic bleeps and exudes a certain cool that only the Scandinavians seem to be able to pull off. It appears restrained, but repeated listens reveal the yearning behind each word. With Every Heartbeat may have not been a worldwide smash, but it showed that the UK record-buying public do occasionally know what they’re doing.

6. The Streets: Dry Your Eyes (2004)

Before the release of Dry Your Eyes, Mike Skinner was just a Brummie chronicling the life of a geezer. The release of his second album, A Grand Don’t Come For Free, had garnered much critical acclaim but the masses remained resistant to his charms and he seemed destined to remain that bloke who talked over music. This all changed over the summer of 2004 – after England were dumped out of the European Football Championships, Dry Your Eyes played over the closing credits and gave football fans a soundtrack to their anguish. (For those of you reading outside the UK, this really happens. Twenty stone men with tattoos on their neck break down and weep when England lose at football). A poignant lament to a lost love, what really makes this track is the keen observation of the minutiae and the sense of loss and despair. It proved to be the tipping point for The Streets, as Skinner has struggled to repeat the success of his defining moment, but it could be worse... c’mon, dry your eyes, mate.

5. Gnarls Barkley: Crazy (2006)

Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo made chart history with Crazy, their début release and the biggest selling song of 2006 in the UK. It became the first single to reach the top of the charts on downloads alone and still remained number one even after having been physically deleted. However, such feats are no guarantee of quality, as the successes of singles by Bryan Adams and Wet Wet Wet prove. Luckily, Gnarls Barkley had produced a cracker. Cee-Lo had been a moderately successful solo artist and Danger Mouse was producer du jour but still, no-one could have predicted this. Built around a sample of Last Man Standing by Gian Franco and Gian Piero Reverberi, Crazy is everything a good pop song should be: direct, energetic, catchy and not too long. Simultaneously haunting and invigorating, Crazy was pretty much universally adored and like several others in this list, the authors have been victims of their own success, with Gnarls Barkley struggling to repeat the sales or levels of critical acclaim since.

4. Girls Aloud: The Promise (2008)

At the risk of alienating the entire readership of No Ripcord, this song fully deserves it place on the list. Girls Aloud have proved since their inception that their songs are a cut above other girl groups (who wrote the songs themselves is a moot point) and this is the best of the lot. Now, unless you grew up in a hippie household where your parents played Captain Beefheart’s Trout Mask Replica over Sunday lunch, the chances are the first music you loved as a child was what is known as manufactured pop. However much your tastes change and develop, there’s always a part of your brain susceptible to the pull of this sort of music. Admittedly, it’s normally more prevalent with the influence of alcohol, but there should be no shame in holding your hands up and proclaiming you like this song. And really, what’s not to like? There’s shimmering harmonies, shades of 60s girl-groups, touches of Spector and a chorus that sounds like the theme tune to Blankety Blank. Go on, treat yourself.

3. Dizzee Rascal featuring Calvin Harris and Chrome: Dance Wiv Me (2008)

It would appear that despite the flagging singles industry, last year was a pretty good one for chart-toppers. Like The Streets, Dizzee had always been more popular with the critics than the public, and had struggled to convert his Mercury win (for début Boy in Da Corner) into actual sales. This is his finest moment so far though, effortlessly providing a perfect mix of grime and laid-back dance that it’s hard to resist. Maybe Dizzee’s gritty rhymes about urban life were too unpalatable for the music-buying public at large, but on Dance Wiv Me, it’s fun-time Dizzee as he just focuses on having a good time. Trying to chat up a girl in front of her boyfriend has never seemed so attractive or enjoyable.

2. Manic Street Preachers: The Masses Against the Classes (2000)

Hey, remember when MSP were angry and overtly-political? Well, poster-boy of that era, Richey Edwards, may have disappeared in 1995 but The Masses Against the Classes proved that MSP still had the edge that made 1994’s The Holy Bible so brutal and compelling. The whole story behind the song is trademark Manics: no promotion and deletion of the single on the day of release, yet it was the first #1 single of the new millennium. As for the track itself, it starts with a quotation by Noam Chomsky and ends with one from Camus. It’s abrasive punk rock, it’s thrilling, it’s exciting and it reminds you of the sheer power and influence that popular music can have. In retrospect, this may have been simply a token gesture, as MSP have never released anything like this as a single since, and have slowly transformed into a fairly sedate AOR band. But these three and a half minutes are a clear indicator of how important the Manic Street Preachers have been over the last twenty years.

1. Arctic Monkeys: I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor (2005)

A cursory glance at the singles chart will tell you that – with a few notable exceptions – pop music is a young person’s game. Artists can never quite recapture that moment when they burst onto the scene, and that “shock of the new” is none more clear than on this single. Regardless of your age, this song can instantly transport you back to being 16 and full of hormones and let’s face it, regardless of your age, your memory will tell you that the best pop music was made when you were in your teens. This song is dripping with yearning and lust and beneath it all hides the promise of something more sinister. There hadn’t been regional accents in successful pop for a while, but Alex Turner’s rich Sheffield brogue changed all that. The sub-3 minutes of pop heaven is best described by the 21st Century’s most exciting lyricist himself: “There ain’t no love, no Montagues or Capulets/Just banging tunes and DJ sets and/Dirty dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness.” That is all that’s good about pop music encapsulated in just a few simple lines – will a number one single ever be as good as this again?

Top Ten Musical Fantasy Partnerships

The following is an article written as part of a series to celebrate the 10th birthday of No Ripcord magazine...

Here’s a game everyone can play. Take two bands or artists with a common word or syllable, mix the names together and hey presto! – you’ve made a brand new fantasy band. Think something along the lines of Faith No Doubt or perhaps, more ambitiously, Sly and the Family Stone Temple Pilots. Somewhere in a parallel universe, these collaborations could well exist. Here, in no particular order, is the No Ripcord Fantasy Musical Partnerships Top 10 (with thanks to Patrick Crowther at www.patrickcrowtherphotography.co.uk for the inspiration).

10. Death Cab for Q-Tip

Q-Tip released his album, The Renaissance, to widespread critical acclaim last year. Known for his versatility and ambition, working with one of the music scene’s most inventive pop groups could lead to a match made in heaven. Hot Chip and Wiley came together to make one of the singles of 2008 with Wearing My Rolex – probably the best indicator of what Death Cab for Q-Tip would sound like. Who wouldn’t want more tracks like that?

Runners-up:Death Cab for CuT.I., Q-Chicory-Tip

9. Tori Amos Def

Is there a precedent for this sort of thing? Bonkers singer-songwriter with fairy preoccupation and ground-breaking hip-hop star may not be the most obvious of bedfellows. Mind you, once you’ve breastfed a pig in the name of your art (Tori, not Mos Def), you can probably take anything else in your stride. It’s difficult to see the middle ground where these two would meet; would we get rhymes over Cornflake Girl or pianos and pixies over hip-hop beats?

Runners-up: A New Found Tori, Mos Def Leppard

8. Adele La Soul

Continuing the female vocalist/hip-hop theme comes this collaboration. Stage-school alumnus Adele has a touch of R&B and soul in her voice as it is, but tends to be more successful on slower tracks. An injection of female attitude could work wonders, assuming she didn’t tread on their laid-back, breezy toes. Let’s face it, a vast number of hip-hop tracks have ‘proper’ singers guesting in the chorus as it is, so maybe this isn’t a ridiculous idea.

Runners-up: Adele Amitri, De La Soul II Soul

7. Smogwai

Probably not too likely to trouble the charts this one. Bill Callahan and his band could benefit from some livening up at times and the Scottish rock troupe could provide that. Certainly, the Zinedine Zidane film would have a different mood if Smog had provided the soundtrack rather than Mogwai. Maybe Smogwai (it’s not a band name for a band, actually) could rope in Callahan’s better half, Joanna Newsom, as well. Fancy a bit of harp on top with child-like idiosyncratic vocals? No, thought not.

Runners-up: Bonzo Smog Doo-Dah Band, Mogwiley

6. Yo La TenGo! Team

Now this would be interesting. Brighton-based cut-and-paste merchants meet New York alt. rockers in a tantalising collision. Seeing as Yo La Tengo hop from genre to genre laughing in the face of those who can barely master one, a smattering of cartoon hip-hop and dance should be a walk in the park. A Yo La Tengo release is always something worth listening to, and adding a DJ and the rapping of Ninja would add an extra dollop of intrigue to the mix.

Runners-up: Yo La Tengotan Project, Go! Team Waterpolo

5. The Barry White Stripes

Again, two artistes who you wouldn’t traditionally expect to record together (due to mortality issues, if nothing else). The laid-back, soulful croon of The Walrus of Love may not sit too well on something like Seven Nation Army, but perhaps Jack and Meg could add some garage blues to Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe. It wouldn’t be the first time Jack White’s worked with a soul star (though the theme from Quantum of Solace with Alicia Keys wasn’t exactly what you’d call a success), so perhaps this partnership is the dark horse of the lot and would produce the best work over time.

Runners-up: Barry White and the 2 Unlimited Orchestra, The Whitest Boy Alive Stripes

4. The Norah Jonestown Massacre

This could well be a disaster waiting to happen. Daughter of Ravi Shankar and creator of incredibly wistful and chilled-out music paired with Anton Newcombe’s motley crew of unpredictable, self-destructing rockers. While anybody who’s seen DiG! can testify that BJM could clearly do with a calming influence, a petite jazz pianist is probably not the best course of action. Mind you, with Newcombe’s revolving door band member policy, it’s debatable whether he’d actually notice some extra personnel.

Runners-up: Norah ‘Jones’ Jones and the Joneses, The Mick Jonestown Massacre

3. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Yeah Yeahs

An all-New York affair and a clash of indie rock and sleek electro-pop. Some CYHSY tunes with Karen O’s frenetic yelp rather than Alec Ounsworth’s thin and reedy voice would certainly preferable, and YYYs would finally get round to having a bassist (not that they really miss having one in truth). In fact, this could be a step too far, as YYYs make enough of a racket for eight people already, without there actually being eight of them.

Runners-up: Clap Your Hands Say Air, Polar Bear Yeah Yeahs

2. The Last Shadow Pipettes

Alex Turner’s 60s revivalists get some much needed sass into their line-up with the addition of the Brighton pop-punks. This collision would quite possibly be too retro for its own good, and does bubblegum pop really need James Bond-style strings all over it? One thing’s for sure, it’d certainly be entertaining to hear Turner’s Sheffield burr telling stories of useless boys and school uniforms.

Runners-up: The Last Shadow Be Your Own PupPETs, The Pipet Shop Boys

1. TV On The Radiohead

Arguably the most popular alternative band in the world join forces with the young pretenders - who would be the lead vocalist is anyone’s guess. A mixture of OK Computer and Return to Cookie Mountain would certainly be intriguing; it really could go either way. It’s debatable what this band would sound like, but knowing how Thom Yorke runs the good ship Radiohead, it’s most likely the TVOTR guys would just end up learning new instruments and working on his vision for the follow-up to In Rainbows.

Runners-up: TV on the RadiOMD, Radiohead Automatica